You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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