too bad you live with your parents still
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
