Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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