I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
