ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
