called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
false alarm. still invincible.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
