I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
