guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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