he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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