i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
