She said her name was "party"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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