Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
