I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
