Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
