If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
