You smell like stripper and shame
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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