And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
