3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
