We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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