I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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