I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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