you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
