Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
