i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
