I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
