just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
