Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
