non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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