Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
