yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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