careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
