so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
