Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
