I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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