Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to stop coming to work sober
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
