sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was born a porn star she said
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
