Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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