i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
