a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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