i don't like sucking hair
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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