are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
