I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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