I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
