Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
