watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
