shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
