I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he puts the penis in happiness.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
