what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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