So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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