Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
id be glad to
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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