Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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