It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
