after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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