i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
