Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
