you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
