He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
