Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am one with the molecules
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
