I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
