YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
